Attendees agree-there is a need for more opportunities for fathers of kids with Autism to connect and support each other.

Being a therapist is a continually humbling experience, but I have never felt so humbled as a father as I did sitting among the men at this event. I was privileged to be able to participate in this autism conference which was targeted specifically at dads. As a father without children on the autism spectrum, I had to be reassured by the UNC Autism Fathers Conference organizers that it would be appropriate for me to attend as a therapist who works with children with autism and their families. I worried I would be intruding on what to me seemed like a rare and sacred space. And while I felt welcomed by the amazing fathers who attended this event, my sense that this would be an intensely meaningful and important gathering for fathers was right on.

I arrived at the Carolina Inn ballroom shortly after registration opened. My heart sank a bit as I walked into the room full of tables, most of them empty. I sat down at a table with several fathers already engaged in a conversation about their children. By the time I looked up from my eggs and sausage there were hardly any open seats and about a hundred fathers all connecting with each other. Connection would emerge as a theme on this day.

And connection, I learned, can be in short supply for fathers of children with autism. A clip from presenter Charles Jones’ documentary “Autistic Like Me: A Father’s Perspective” laid bare this reality to knowing nods (and some tears) from fathers in the audience. The clip described a meeting where a mother cries when talking about their newly diagnosed child. While everyone rushes in to console her, the pain of her husband standing next to her is completely overlooked.

Future Autism Conferences, Supports for Dads

So what’s a dad to do? Well, thanks to the UNC’s innovative idea to host this conference, some grassroots efforts may already be taking root! By the end of the day, there was already a Facebook group created by and for conference attendees. There were at least a couple of regional Facebook dad’s groups set up. And there was also some discussion of a regular gathering of fathers of children with autism in the Triangle area. (I will share details about the group once I hear more).

Finally, I just want to honor and thank the fathers I met at this conference. I am in awe of the strength and perseverance they bring into their roles as caregivers, advocates, husbands, and “autism educators.” I feel privileged to have some part to play in the success of families, but these dads are the front lines and will ultimately make all the difference in what their children become.